Lately I have been struggling to find balance. It’s a tense, heavy time period. I have felt so moody and restless. I keep hoping that time will just speed up and take me to some time period that is more peaceful. Yes, I know that is the opposite of mindfulness. In Buddhism, we’d say that suffering is caused by wanting to be elsewhere or to have what is not your present reality. Certainly true words, but hard to pull yourself out of that thinking.
I’m super impatient as a person. It’s like I’m good learning the lessons I feel my soul needs to learn for growth and I’m okay with a bit of a struggle, BUT if it is on my timeline. And it so doesn’t work that way. I will be going to a workshop soon by Dr. Brian Weiss on past lives (thanks Zizia for the tickets!). I’m listening to his audio lecture now, Many Lives, Many Masters. It’s just mind blowing stuff. At one point, an ascended master comes through and says that there is always 1 main thing that we need to work on in this lifetime (lust, greed, etc.). Right away I thought, aha, it must be impatience for me. Then I heard a loud voice in my car say, “No it’s insecurity Laura. That is your lesson. That is what prevents you from achieving nirvana. It’s what holds you back.” In my mind, I asked about that pesky impatience I suffer from. “You have many more tasks to do. You will know when. Be patient.” ARGH. Not the be patient message.
I have had such a hard time adjusting to some environments I’m put into. I feel that I help people on a spiritual level, but that the actual job/work is sort of secondary. I feel I’ve been drawn to these tough environments and my ego brain really just wants to work somewhere peaceful and non-eventful. Then I heard a voice tell me, “Laura the missions you are on aren’t meant to be easy. They are meant to have an impact. You are actually only there for the sidebar.” I completely knew what the message meant. I often tell my class when I teach workplace mindfulness to not work 100% of the time or you will miss out on the relationships and dialogue that is happening on the side. That sidebar is where a lot of creativity and relationship building is happening. You miss this if you are so hyper-focused on completing your to-do list and doing tasks all day.
We are entering into the shadow side of Mercury Retrograde (Feb 17-March 10). Communications may be strained and others might not understand your messages. The guidance I hear is for us to know when to stay silent and when we need to speak up. We have to manage balancing that. One of my students told me this tonight, “When I don’t’ need to give my opinion I just say this—if you like it, I love it.” Wise words at times.
Wishing you all a very peaceful transition into Mercury Retrograde.
Om Shanti, shanti, shanti. Peace, Peace, Peace.