Have we considered the lens through which we experience reality? We tend to see things in absolutes. We tap into our core beliefs and we make judgements on the things we see. We do this often without knowing. Each time we assign our perception on a situation or a person it is in relation to something else we have experienced prior or maybe something we have not directly experienced but that we heard about from our parents growing up. When we are uncertain, we tap into that as a resource and assign a value to this situation. Our reality lens is shaped in our childhood through the lens that our parents experienced reality. And it continues to morph and shape as we encounter our own unique situations, and we start to come into our own reality lens.
The thing is this—what if that lens that we thought was so absolute was not quite accurate? What if what we were taught to think was factual and reality was just not true? Or perhaps our parents were shaped by their parents who had faulty logic? Then what? Have we stopped to recognize or challenge this reality that we see? Are the judgements that we are assigning to people and situations justly made. Perhaps they are, or can we identify where our perceptions may have been skewed. You might challenge things and come to the same result on many judgements you’ve made.
However, it is those other few areas where you may start to realize that the lens you saw reality through was not quite accurate. You may start to reject what you were brought up to believe or what you have been conditioned to believe by your partner. Yet don’t expect that other person to start seeing things through your reality lens so quickly. In fact, they may never. They might see their reality as absolute. This is how we start drifting at times, away from those who were seeing things the same way we were, assigning the same judgements to things. And then we start to grow closer to others who are wearing the same prescription of lenses we are now.
It isn’t easy to move away from what is familiar to us. Even when that familiar is no longer serving a purpose for us or is hurting us and limiting our growth. For some, they recognize that things are not as they always perceived, but they are unwilling to let go of that other who is not on the same page. There is a hope that person will start seeing things through your reality. Or perhaps it isn’t that important if they aren’t aligned to your belief system? Perhaps there is a little voice in your head, saying, how dare you want something else. Better to ignore all these new revelations. All this newness is unfamiliar and fear inducing. You might wish you never uncovered whatever this new reality is. You may try to push it away and forget it. Maybe even go back to your old prescription. And yet, you will see that is becomes impossible to do so. No matter how hard you try to shove all that back into the box, it simply will not fit back in.
This is typically when panic may set in. A desperation to go back to the way things were and to reach out to what is familiar. Out of sheer fear, one starts to cling more and more to that other person. Fear makes us cling to things. We strive to find solid ground. Especially when our whole world has been uprooted. When what we thought was a certain way is exposed as a fraud. And in our anxiety to grab onto something, to keep us from falling we will reach out to what is familiar to steady our fall, even if it is the precise thing that is limiting our growth and causing us such pain.
Keep in mind these revelations, this new reality, may be something as simple as the notion that I matter. That I have value. That I am important. That I deserve love.
Peace and Love on your journey friends!