Authenticity & Disappointment

In the past I have been accused of acting like my life is perfect. I hope to never give that impression since it is far from true. I tend to focus on the positive side because it is my nature to do so but I have just as many disappointments as everyone else. Over the last few years, I’ve really tried to be authentic, which means being vulnerable and letting it all out there. This is a terribly scary thing, especially from someone who hid a lot of the dark or negative sides for most of her life. Years ago, I went on vacation with a friend and the trip was riddled with issues. Later when we got home and friends asked about the trip, they were surprised that my version of the trip varied so much from my friend. Were we on different trips?!? No, my brain had just done what it has done since childhood-took a moment that was disappointing and twisted it so it wasn’t so disappointing when I looked back on it. This might seem like just ultra-positive behavior, but I have since realized that what I do is really bury the unpleasant emotion I don’t want to handle. So I gloss over it. When I was a child, and my outer work was scary and hostile, it was the only way I knew how to cope. Now when I realize I’m doing this I try to balance being positive with authenticity.

That all being said, let’s talk about disappointment. We have all been disappointed--either in ourselves, a situation or with another. It’s one of the hardest emotions for me to process. Hey, life would be awesome if people would just go along with what I want right? Lately I’ve been disappointed in myself for exhibiting behavior I would largely call stupid. I have to call it that; it’s not very mindful of me and I teach mindfulness, BUT since I said this would be an authentic post, I’ll call it stupid because that is how I feel right now. Especially when I do the exact opposite of what I generally counsel people NOT to do.

Remember this, you never have to shout, scream or demand that another person know your value or worth. If you are with a partner, friend or really anyone and they can’t see your amazing spirit and your value then they are really not worth your time. Yes, we are all amazing and all have a soul that longs to shine. And being in your presence, in your energetic field is a gift that you are giving others. You never have to beg for or demand attention. If it isn’t being given, then the issue lies with the other person not respecting your value. I think this happens to all of us from to time. We get so caught up in ourselves and what we have going on that we just don’t pay much attention to anyone or anything else. We are all ego. Sometimes this is only for a moment and other times we linger there until someone calls us on it. We either snap out of it and realize that we are not the center of the Universe, we are just other beings having a moment in time with others OR we don’t, and we limit the nature of our true potential as humans sharing an experience together. You always have the option to decide.

Be well friends!

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